A Staff Meeting at Hogwarts
by The lovable writer
Summary: A humorous look at how Staff meeting must go at a school as Weird, Event Filled and Dangerous as Hogwarts.
1. Chapter 1

**_The following is a fan based Parody, I do not own Harry Potter, this is for purely entertainment purposes and any opinions expressed or implied are meant purely for those entertainment purposes and not the actual opinion of the author who is a big fan, except the opinion about Hufflepuff, screw those guys!_**

A large table was the focus of the room. It was a glamorous table, carved into a perfect circle from an oak so fine you knew that at least one ecosystem had died alongside the tree. And chairs surrounded the table of course, the circular form making it so that every Teacher who sat at that table, be they Ravenclaw, Slytherin, or Gryffindor, sat from a position of complete equality. But not Hufflepuff, cause screw those guys. And Dumbledore was pleased with this equality amongst the Teachers and Houses, glad to see equality within the table that he had created, as he sat at his 10 foot thrown he had built for himself, so that he could look down on the beautiful equality he had formed. Except for the Hufflepuff's, because seriously, screw those guys.

Dumbledore cleared his throat, and began the staff meeting.

"Now that we are all here, I bring this monthly staff meeting to order." Dumbledore declared.

"Well technically sir Professor Sprout isn't here yet." Professor McGonagall said.

"With all do respect Minerva, she's a Hufflepuff, what can she contribute? How do deal with not being accepted by the notable Houses?" Dumbledore quipped.

A hearty round of "here here's" quickly sounded by the Teachers before Dumbledore circled the table to receive a round of High 5's from the staff. After a quick vote the motion that Hufflepuff's were only good for helping other Hufflepuff's deal with the fact they'd been rejected by the three notable Houses of Hogwarts was carried unanimously by the staff, including Hufflepuff member Professor Burbage, who excepted quickly that being the Professor for Muggle Studies was hardly convincing evidence for the idea that Hufflepuff's could make notable accomplishments.

"Anyway, as I was saying, the monthly Hogwarts staff meeting has began. We have three new items to discuss today. Firstly, the defence of the Philosophers Stone." Dumbledore explained.

"We've all worked together to create a defence that prevents anybody gaining possession of the Stone." McGonagall informed Dumbledore.

"And we've done a very good job if you ask me. Some of my best magic." Professor Flitwick gleefully chirped.

"Yes, but I'm afraid we've all done rather too well." Dumbledore commented.

"What do you mean, too well?" McGonagall asked.

"Well, while those incantations from Professor Flitwick which mean that anybody who enters the room instantly triggers your Transfiguration spells which turn the walls into 40 foot Ninja Tyrannosaurus Rex's armed with proportionately sized AK-47's will certainly stop evil doers, they'll also stop me from entering as well." Dumbledore declared.

"But why would you want to enter?" McGonagall asked.

"Well Minerva, apparently I forgot the moment where you also became the wizard He Must Not Be Named feared the most, but if you must question my order very well." Dumbledore said bitterly. "I have many reasons. The Philosophers Stone is very pretty for a starter. It's nice to look at. Secondly there is the Mirror of Erised, which I also enjoy looking at Minerva."

McGonagall sighed. Dumbledore had played his best card for winning an argument. If she mentioned the Mirror, Dumbledore would undoubtedly mention that all he really wanted was a nice pair of socks for Christmas. This would lead to presents he'd instead got for Christmas as a topic of conversation. That would finally lead to the fact she had been inconsiderate enough to get him for Christmas the book that he had wrote, which as Dumbledore had pointed out many times from that moment onwards, was completely illogical, because he'd already read it, what with him writing it, and that it was the equivalent to buying an Elephant Troll his own tusks, and the sort of person who did these things should be shot. That was the abridged version of the conversation at least. The full version went on for 30 minutes and contained a quick song and dance number which showed off Dumbledore's ability to find words that rhymed with atrocity.

He'd really wanted socks for Christmas.

She'd also bought him some Bertie Bott's Every Flavoured Beans, and that had just caused another rant of its own.

McGonagall decided she best not get him started again. She valued her sanity.

"Very well, we'll make it easier to get through." McGonagall sighed.

"Good, make sure it involves riddles and board games. I like that, but not too hard. I don't want to be held up too long." Dumbledore asked. "Secondly Hagrid requested we built a fence around the Forbidden Forest, we've lost fourteen first years already this year, four because of the Forbidden Forest, and he's rather irate."

For a brief second second the staff quickly stopped to mentally count. Ten first years. One had impaled themselves on the Astronomy Tower learning how to fly a broom. Three hadn't known which way to hold their wands when casting the obliteration spell. The remainder were officially classed as dead, though no one could ever be sure given that the students found sobbing where the Defence Against the Dark Arts Classroom used to be had only been able to repeat the words "The horror!" over and over again, and been completely unhelpful in providing information on where the missing class-mates might be. One more had jumped into a Cauldron on a dare, though this was officially counted as natural selection than a death on School Records.

First Year was always the difficult one.

The Staff for a second felt embarrassed over the whole events, and mentally vowed to do a better job, and that this time they really meant it.

"Eight now sir." A near by ghost said, a pale white image of a normal looking young student, except for the fact that his left arm, rather than being attached to its left shoulder as is the expected thing, was now stabbed thorough his stomach. "They told me the Forest would be fun, but they were wrong. Please don't allow anymore to die like me."

"Unfortunately P-Professor, any spare money we did have has been gone with my special requests for D-Defence Against the Dark Arts." Professor Quirrel explained.

"Ah yes, the Unicorn Blood, Dark Hoods and Dragon Egg." Dumbledore remembered. "Well I'm sorry young boy, but I'm afraid we're going to have to let a few more die before we can fence up that Forest. Not to worry, nobody has died playing Quiditch yet this year remarkably, so our mortality rates are for below the normal levels. And if we don't count the whole Troll incident and the Owl attacks, I'd say we're at a new record for this time of year."

"The stuttering man was the one who killed me sir." The Ghost Boy cried, pointing to Professor Quirrell, apparently being rather inconsiderate and ignoring Dumbledore's words.

"Ah, that brings me to the final point Quirrell, Professor Snape has accused you of trying to kill one student. Is this true?" Dumbledore asked.

"B-B-But, well, this is all v-very, I mean..." Quirrell stuttered.

"Oh, you misunderstood the question, I meant do you intend to kill only one student?" Dumbledore asked again.

"Well I suppose that is sort of the situation."

"Well than I guess we can tolerate that, but only one." Dumbledore explained, before noting Snapes far from impressed expression. "I'm sorry Severus, but come on old friend. Do you really want to go through the hassle of hiring a new Professor. It's hard and expensive. And we have no money! It's all being spent on lawyers and compensation. In case you hadn't noticed this is a dangerous school. We have stair cases that move whenever they want, a serious ghost problem and we can't use the Third Floor, seriously, the whole third floor, how on Earth do we get to the fourth floor, cause I don't know! And Like you're so high and mighty, you killed a student the other day."

"In my defence when Second Years handle deadly poisons bad things normally happen." Snape snapped back.

"Well lets not play the blame game Severus. We've dealt with all of today's issues, I say we conclude and go have some Butter bear before I'm off to London."

"Why London sir?" Flitwick asked.

"I have to appear in an advertisement for Chocolate Frogs with the first Wizard to use magic to make his beard sentient. We really need the money. Now anyway, Butter bear!" Dumbledore declared.

"What about Professor Sprout? She's been done for sometime now. In fact last I heard she was teaching a class about Hentai Tentacle Plants. They can be dangerous." Professor Babbling asked.

"With all do respect, screw her, she's Hufflepuff, to heck with her! Now Butter Bear!" Dumbledore reiterated.

And after Dumbledore had a quick round of High 5's (with Dumbledore briefly focusing on Snape so that he might provide a 5 up high, and attempt one down low, only to discover he was too slow) they went off for Butter bear, and some general drunken fun before the teaching day began.

**__****_O.K_**, please review cause I loved writing this and I now have so many more jokes for a possible second or third chapter, so feedback would be nice please...


	2. Chapter 2

******O.K.**, I totally have a really, really good excuse for why I took so long on a second chapter, I'm very lazy... very lazy... but anyway, to continue this epic saga...

The staff sat around the table again. Another year. Another batch of students to torture and teach, possibly in that order. All was the same as it always was. Except Snape was wearing a necklace of Hawaiian flowers, slowly fiddling with it in his hands, doing everything within his power to make it look like he wasn't desperately trying to make it as subtly obvious to all the people around the table, that he'd been on away to for the Summer Holidays. That he'd been having fun and totally having a happy and charming life outside of making students miserable at school.

Snape continued fiddling with his Hawaiian flowers as the staff sat in silence for a while before dropping his "I had fun in Hawaii!" key chain, trying to pick it up as quickly possible while making sure as many people saw his evidence of happiness as he hid it away from all the people he wanted to not see the thing he showed them.

Before Snape could continue trying to not show them his souvenirs, Dumbledore finally entered. He entered slowly, taking time to show off a nice new pair of socks he was wearing. McGonagall didn't know anything about the situation beyond that Dumbledore had finally gotten new socks. This however was enough for her to mentally remind herself of the anti-racist slurs charm, the fire protection spell, the burn-it-with-fire curse and the emergency fake suicide potion she had in her hidden pocket. Just in case.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and began:

"I here by bring this meeting to order. First meeting point, spending, we had a notable increase in law suits over the Summer, thanks to a variety of rather winy Slytherin students who didn't know how to loose well."

"You decorated the Halls in Slytherin Colours, announced they had scored the most and said they were the winner. And than you gave Gryffindor just enough points to beat Slytherin for reasons that hardly any of the students knew about." Snape bitterly remarked.

"And the Slytherins were quite winey about it." Dumbledore reminded.

"They were 10 years old." Snape replied.

"They lost a third of their class last year, if they haven't manned up yet, than there's nothing I can do. Anyway, if this truly does trouble a Slytherin student, may they begin their descent to the Dark Side, make allegiance with the Dark Lord, and end up killing me in the Astronomy Tower 5 years from now."

The teachers all paused for a second before Dumbledore returned to his report:

"As such, for cost and infant mortality reducing measures, I have hired Gilderoy Lockhart as Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher."

"You mean the useless Celebrity personality who is a blatant fraud?" Professor Flitwick asked.

"Yes. I'd like to see him get any of my students killed. Furthermore, Professor Snape, you're aware of the Horcrux finding expedition I hypothesised a few years back." Dumbledore asked.

"Yes."

"That's been cancelled also as part of cost and life saving measures."

"Oh, well, I suppose I don't need to travel anymore, what with having travelled to Hawaii already this year. And had lots of fun. Like beach activities. And other Hawaiian fun. In Hawaii. Which wasn't here. And involved me having lots of..." Snape reiterated, again, and again, and again just in case.

"We get it Severus. Sir, are you sure you don't want to go ahead with the Horcrux finding mission. You've already been made aware that Lord Voldemort isn't dead, and may one day rise again. Now is the best time to attack his greatest weakness, before he gains a physical body again. You said you had an idea where some might be." Professor McGonagall asked with exasperation.

"I'd like to Minerva. I'd really like to, but right now I'm far to busy looking at my brand new socks! Brand new socks that were bought for me by Professor Sprout!" Dumbledore declared.

McGonagall sighed. It made sense now. She'd figured there'd been something wrong when she had returned to Hogwarts to find that the former Hogwarts Laws of "Hufflepuff sucks.", "Any Hufflepuff found dead is considered a case of natural selection rather than actual death." and "Every third Friday of the Month is throw Devils Snare on a Hufflepuff and take pictures day!" had been reversed. She'd also noticed that despite the previously discussed budget and infant mortality cut-backs, Sprout would be getting a shipment of Newly Born Mandrakes. Apparently Dumbledore treated the fact that their screams were potentially fatal as only a minor set back, as he speculated that they'd probably need the Mandrakes to help create potions to deal with petrified students (on average 17 students were petrified a year at Minerva's last count) some time in the future. Sprout had also asked for more Hentai Tentacle plants for some reason. McGonagall had decided not to ask about that one.

"Well, that about covers it. I will conclude by saying Hufflepuff are quite awesome. Meeting adjourned." Dumbledore said, giving 5 up high to Professor Sprout to conclude the proceedings.

The rest of the teachers got up and made their way out, eager to apply the Hangover cure charm before the Lunch Period ended and Afternoon classes started. McGonagall though decided it would be best for one final talk with the Headmaster:

"Albus. I can't help but notice. The law suits weren't that bad this year in comparison to some. I don't think these cut backs are as necessary as you think." she explained.

"Actually, they are Minerva. I decided not to mention for fear of damaging morale, but the Sorting Hat has decided to start black mailing us. It turns out giving a Hat the ability to read minds, than make it spend the rest of the year on a shelf thinking of a 3 minute rhyme for the next year does not appease it much. It's threatening to give away secrets about Hogwarts I'd rather not be revealed while I'm still alive." Dumbledore explained, before adding, seeing McGonagall's apprehension. "Oh, never fear Minerva. The Nimbus 2000 has just had an expansion pack released, the Nimbus 2001, and they need someone to play the angry old man who isn't "with it" unlike a jive talking African American teen who shows off how great it is and how all the kids should buy it. They'll be paying ever so nicely."

"I suppose so. Wait? Nimbus 2001? How's that any different to the Nimbus 2000?" McGonagall asked, realising she had bought her nephew the Nimbus 2000 for his birthday only the other week.

"It's slightly faster and costs much more." The Professor explained, before leaving to go about his sock related business.

_****__**O.K.**_, I will probably write two more chapters to this story, hopefully before the last film comes out, that's the optimistic aim, until than, enjoy and review please.

_****__**P.S**_: I would like to make clear that while some may interpret a joke in this chapter about Hufflepuff being awesome as an apology for the previous chapter where I frequently insulted Hufflepuff, this is not the case. In actual fact it was Professor Sprout giving Dumbledore the socks that meant that he lost motivation to go on his expedition to destroy the Horcruxes and prevent the Dark Lord's return. In actual fact, the next time you remember the death of Dobby or Fred/ George, remember that it was because of Hufflepuff. HUFFLEPUFF KILLED DOBBY DAMN IT! DAMN THEM FOR SUCKING SO MUCH!


	3. Chapter 3

**Told you I'd eventually get round to it, so enjoy the penultimate chapter of this story that was totally not worth the wait!**

"So this is the plan for stopping Voldemort which I've written down in several novels in third person narrative form focusing on the journeys of myself the hero with a grudge against Voldemort, and my friends Severus and Minerva." Dumbledore explained.

Nobody really questioned Dumbledore at the moment. They gave him a certain amount of credit for his somewhat sensible performance last year. He managed to get rid of the werewolf teacher after the first attack (though claiming it was because he wanted his cool old friend Mad Eye Moody back at school rather than the more obvious answer of giving into public pressure) and getting rid of the Dementors, eventually (Dumbledore listing his reason as them being far to mainstream for him, and looking into giant spiders as a new defence). No one (important) had died last year and nobody wanted to risk pushing Dumbledore back to his old reckless self, the faint hope that they might eventually be able to afford a new, non-psychotic janitor keeping their hopes alive.

"A few questions. Why do we wander around in the woods for 200 pages?" Snape began.

"Because I'm the one who Lord Voldemort feared so shut up. That's why." Dumbledore replied.

Snape sighed inside for a second, but than thought about the possibility of a janitor who actually liked children, and persevered against all hopes. Maybe the Dumbledore he was looking at was crazy, but brilliant.

"O.K, than Albus, why do I get given your Spectraltransmogrificator?" Snape asked.

"You get the light putter outer because it will lead you back to me when you abandon me." Dumbledore replied, refusing to use the scientific name for the device, the name he had given.

"Why would I do that?"

"Why indeed?"

Snape instantly realised that Dumbledore hadn't meant the apology he'd given for not being his wingman at the Leaky Cauldron Singles Night. He'd made a simple assumption about what Dumbledore was aiming for, and after a few hours of Snape bringing in "da bitches" as Dumbledore phrased it, and Dumbledore showing absolutely no interest, Snape realised Dumbledore had somehow managed to go 17 years without mentioning he was gay. For a second he was impressed by the feet and pondered about the true equality it showed in both the homosexual and heterosexual natures within people. Than Dumbledore started throwing Chocolate Frogs at him and he stopped the pondering and started the sighing.

Just plain crazy Dumbledore was probably back.

"Wait, maybe he isn't back. Give him another chance." Professor Burbage urged "Come on, it's me, we took an oath to trust each other and never remain silent as a giant snake began to eat us remember."

For a second Snape thought about it, and the surprisingly specific oath he and Burbage took, than Professor McGonagall entered the room very irately:

"Another first year fell eight stories and died when the stairs decided to move."

"Not to worry Minerva! The child was probably going to be a Hufflepuff; they don't count on "Push a Hufflepuff to their death day." And that's today." Dumbledore explained.

"Since when?"

"Ten seconds ago."

Minerva looked to Severus and they instantly affirmed that firstly Dumbledore was back. Secondly, they were going to have to stick with the current psychotic janitor who may or may not haunt children's nightmares with a clawed glove. And finally, that there definitely was no magic to the madness of re-starting the Sextuple-Wizard Cup.

"Are you mad restarting the Sextuple Wizard Cup Albus?" Snape exclaimed, just beating McGonagall to the punch.

"No, it was a matter of pride, Madame Maxime of Beauxbatons academy said are school was substandard!"

"That doesn't sound like her." Professor Sprout chimed.

"It probably came out after I called her a cheese eating surrender monkey." Dumbledore suggested, remembering the bloodshed of the Third Luxemburg- Peru Magic War. "And anyway, it's not even going to be the Sextuple-Wizard Cup, Greece, Italy and Australia still have not reopened their schools after the Pandora's Box second round challenge of the last tournament."

"Albus, with everything going on at the moment, are you sure this incredibly dangerous tournament is right?"

"Yes, Mad Eye said so. Right Mad Eye."

Mad Eye gave a brief nod before he and Dumbledore did a quick best friend secret handshake. 5 minutes and several back flips later the conversation resumed.

"You know what Minerva, how about this; if this turns out to be yet another one of my crazy and stupid plans as opposed to my crazy but brilliant plans which I haven't really had since I beat Grindelwald in 1945 and if anything, has prompted my crazy but stupid plans in an attempt to recreate my former brilliance, I'll give you 100 Galleons. Seriously, if a contestant dies, you win. If the selection process goes wrong, you win. If evil plans are hatched you win. Because they won't. I'm the God-Damn Dumbledore bitch!"

"You're on. Are you sure you don't want to check with Mad Eye to see if he thinks it's cool." McGonagall spat back.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over Mad Eye's awesomeness, let me ask him if he heard you." Dumbledore muttered, before forming a quick team huddle with Mad Eye. "I may need to borrow 100 galleons for this bet, in case. I know I said I was going to get some money in soon but it turned out the Ye'Old Spice guys wanted to use Victor Crum for the adverts; they felt he would have more sex appeal for the shirtless scenes if you can believe that. Come on, you know I'm good for it!"

"Here's an idea, why don't you just use the money that was going to go towards the security checks for whether or not staff are actually themselves or just polyjuice imposters!" Mad Eye suggested.

"That's a brilliant plan!"

"Of course it is. It was said by me. Mad Eye Moody. The real completely impossible to impersonate, absolutely genuine Mad Eye Moody. Who is me."

"Of course." Dumbledore replied.

And with wagers placed the staff meeting went on to its final piece of business, how many people they were prepared to lose transporting the dragons (17 providing the workers were foreign) and whether or not they'd be prepared to go back on the Goblet's decision if it picked wrongly (Dumbledore initially thought the idea was credible, than Mad Eye made several chickens noises which brought about a change in stance in Dumbledore). With the meeting concluded and McGonagall passed caring, they proceeded to Hogsmeade for Singles Night.

"I don't care. How bad can it really get Severus?" McGonagall groaned. "Now let's go to Hogsmeide and get laid, I'm tired of that smug look on Professor Sprouts face after a free lesson with the Hentai tentacles."

_**Read and enjoy, and remember that reviews help motivate me and my writing, so please review thank you!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**O.K, I promised this story for the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2: In 3D: In IMAX: With Alan Rickman: The Final Bloody Chapter, and I'm a little late. Sorry! Instead, enjoy this release while HPatDHP23DIMAXOMGZMG! remains almost number one at the American Box Office. And now the final chapter of this epic, spell check annoying saga!**

"We've called this emergency meeting to try and figure out how to stop the dying." Amycus Carrow announced.

McGonagall was tired, and couldn't really focus right now on things which didn't involve the one lyric "Oh Happy Days" repeated in a loop over and over again. There came moments in class where she regretted staying up all night watching Sister Act on Blu-Ray, but then she remembered the class lesson "Why Muggles are almost as inferior as a Hufflepuff.", and stopped caring, and started caring about the fact Dumbledore was no longer in charge and continuing his policy on no Muggle technology in school (he'd been really disappointed by Home Alone 2) and God Damn it she liked Sister Act.

After realising the previous paragraph had taken about two minutes for herself to process, 3 minutes after the occasional recitals of Oh Happy Day, she noticed the various Death Eaters were begging for help and also that one was dead. Really leaving a window open was asking for trouble.

"Sorry, come again?" McGonagall said.

"We've lost 40 Death-Eaters in the last two days! A Giant Spider tried to eat me on the way here! And I'm pretty sure someone shot at me as well!" Amycus reiterated.

"Well I think that's more your fault for forgetting what day it is: Take a pot shot at a Hufflepuff Day!" Professor Flitwick chuckled. "And Severus, what's the punishment for forgetting what Hufflepuff related day it is!"

Snape had been keeping quiet for the most part of the conversation, realising long ago that he could make absolutely no impact on school related events, and should simply silently appreciate the fact he was Headmaster, and the crown and cape that he had decided should come with his new role. He now reluctantly entered the conversation:

"Curse to the crotch I believe was Dumbledore's exact wording." He sighed.

As the various teachers advanced upon the offender, Snape sighed as the memories of the first day of term came flooding back.

The Sorting Hat it turned out composed several poems each year, one of which revolved around what he'd done the year before, another about the process of his birth, one about which Hogwarts founder was having sex with who and how, and one about a young Fedora he'd met during his Youth and events during this relationship Snape was desperately trying to repress for the sake of his own, slowly dwindling sanity.

An hour of slowly weaker and weaker rhyming structures had passed that day, as well as the discovery that the Sorting Hat was capable of Mind Rape in the event that food was eaten or words were spoken before his poems were finished, the various new Death Eater "employee's" of the new Wizarding Government were brought up to receive their sorting (these employee's had been officially "Home schooled." During their youth, their parents competent in subjects such as "The School of Hard Knocks."). This had been a mistake.

Several hundred Hufflepuff selections later, 6 of the newly sorted Death Eaters were instantly killed when they failed to know it was "Enchanted Knights get to stab at a Hufflepuff day." Thought to be fair, the other survivors were unaware as well, they just had the common sense and decency to not get killed.

The staff had finished cursing Amycus Carrow, Alecto Carrow taking a brief few seconds to apologise to his Sister and insist he was just following the rules, and that it was nervous laughter from the stressful situation.

"Do we really have to abide by ALL of Dumbledore's rules?" Amycus growled.

"If it was written in Kaiser-in-Excelsior-For-Life Dumbledore's Supreme Book of all Ruling for All Eternity, than the rules are permanent, breaking them punishable by magical incineration." Professor Flitwick replied.

"What's the difference between magical incineration and normal incineration?" A random Death Eater asked.

"Instead of magical fire they drop Steam Rollers on you for several hours." Flitwick continued.

"Who allowed this!" Amycus exclaimed.

"Being the only wizard He Who... Lord Vol... feared gets you privileges." McGonagall answered.

Alecto Carrow had spent several years in Azkaban remembering the shocked look of his Mother when she walked in on him whilst he was deeply immersed in the interesting editorials Play Wizard offered whilst suffering from an itch in his general lower regions (completely unaware there was anything else in it), but this was situation was much worse, and getting to him:

"O.K, whatever, we're dropping like flies here, please, help us."

"We provided you with the Hogwarts survival guide at the start of the year; I don't think we can do much more." McGonagall reasoned.

And they had provided them with a survival guide; going so far as to put multiple book marks in some of the more notable points within the 607 page manual. Like 2 years ago and 4 years ago, they had marked the pages explaining the randomly moving stair cases several hundred feet in the air, or the first years that hadn't learnt that the words Abracadabra could be misheard by the wand and shenanigans would ensue. This however would only leave them unprepared for the bludgers or bizarre creatures that could run through the school halls, or moments when Peeves decided he would murder, rape and loot the corpse, in an order that varied from case to case.

They'd highlight these pages instead next year, like they did the previous year and 3 years before that.

"Could you give us a brief summary of the book?" Alecto persisted.

"A summary under one hour? No."

"What?"

"I've been here a long time; trust me: there are a lot of ways to die here."

At this point in time Snape gave a look to Alecto and Amycus Carrow to give up. This was not the first meeting they'd had this year. This was the seventh time, and all that ever happened was they talked about the deaths, the deaths were explained, and the Death Eaters resumed bracing themselves for another round of horrible yet somewhat amusing fatalities. And the Hufflepuffs were abused, all of whom seemed to be Death Eaters.

It was almost like the staff wanted the servants of Lord Voldemort to fail and die.

With the exasperation really showing now, Snape ended the meeting, deciding that spending some time in the wind with his cape would make him feel better, and cooler. As the leaving began, Snape remembered too late that it was also "Ending the Meeting means throw a dagger at a Hufflepuff day". One debate about who was carrying the corpse later and the meeting really did end.

O O O

"The school's lost over two third of its Death Eater guard now, if someone were to try and take it back, they might very well succeed, do you think he meant for it?" McGonagall said.

"Who?" Sprout asked.

"Dumbledore, do you think in the end, this was part of some grand scheme?"

They briefly glanced at the Portrait of Dumbledore, currently featuring both Dumbledore and Helga Hufflepuff, the latter in a head lock by Dumbledore, being forced to tell the neighbouring portraits, Salazar Slyhtherin and Godrick Gryffindor about all the gay sex she had with Ravenclaw.

He seemed happy.

"No, but why speak ill of the dead?" Sprout replied.

**THE END!**

**Thank you for reading, thank you for reviewing, I hope you've enjoyed this, I know I have writing, now I need to go see the final film and very sadly, bring to an end a very long, very awesome part of my life.**

**THE END... REALLY!**


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